Infatuation and Age

I've been trying to sleep but I just can't at this moment. There have been so really attractive guys at my school and I can't stop thinking about them.

A while ago one moved to my school from another state and I was so infatuated with him. I was stalking his photos, posts and friends. I used to check his facebook out every day. It stopped when I realised the type of person he was. We never talked so it didn't really affect the relationship we didn't have. The realisation occurred when I found out he livestreamed with an aspiring singer-friend of his. He received a lot of attention due to his looks but when i watched the replay of the livesteam, I just felt disgust towards him. He was the typical womaniser who are the type of jerks I can't help but dislike. I used to be like hin so I guess it just made me dislike him even more.

That episode was over and recently, a younger guy approached me. I was putting up my facade and as I walked past him, he was licking his big red lips. It was really hot. I walked on however, with my emotion-less face and the day ended as usual. A few days later I was waiting in line for my teacher to come to class. Whilst I was waiting, I was playing cards with my friends and he came over and whispered in my ear what cards my friend had. His friends did the same thing but it didn't help since they told me useless cards. It kind of made my day since I think it's the first time anyone has ever whispered so closely in my ear.

However, there are a few concerns. Firstly, we're both guys and I don't even know his stance against homosexuals. Secondly, he's 3 grades younger than me making him around 14. He's rather mature looking though. Finally, he doesn't even know my name or who I am. It just makes it worse.

I know it's not love since i'm only deeply infatuated with him. He's probably classified as a "mcDreamy" and I would be the typical infatuated one, even though i'm older.

I guess I could write about my delusions here. It's a head-ups by the way so be warned!!

I've always wanted a lover to embrace me and hold me tight, never letting go of me. I want to feel his warmth and tell him how much he means to me. I want him to make my infatuation levels go off the roof. I'm quite clingy but i guess it's who I am. Although I think i'd feel like i'd do anything for him, I however wouldn't let any of it go public. I'm quite ashamed of who I am and I prefer the privacy over anything else. I just want him to love me as much as I love him. This infatuation will probably end since i'm weak-minded. Unless some crazy development happens between the both of us, this delusion will be as it is.