The Past Samsung Galaxy S3

All day I have done nothing. I spent most of my time watching anime and also preparing for upcoming events. More importantly, I spent my day searching for a samsung galaxy s3 to buy. After all these days of searching, I finally found one at the right price. It took me a while but although it wasn't what I was looking for exactly, it was close. At this point in time, the phones are selling for $520 for a 16gb, brand new in box (BNIB). You can get it for that price at kogan.com.au. However, I could have got it for $550 a few months ago. To compensate, I wanted it for a cheap price. A really cheap price. I found it at gumtree.com.au where a person was selling it for $400. He offered me $380 thank goodness. The catch is, I won't get the phone for another week to two weeks and, I have to pay by bank deposit, right now. It really sucks since if he's lying, I lose all that. I don't think there's any insurance of scams/frauds. He said that we will meet in person so I will get his contact details and bank details before I deposit the money. I pray that this is not a scam because there was a great deal that I missed out on already. I honestly do wish that the iphone 5 was much better so that I would be convinced to spend money for something that is absurdly overpriced (not really seeing as it is seen as a "luxury item" and they pay a lot for the branding).

Samsung Galaxy S3

I forgot to mention that it's holidays right now. I decided that I would spend my day cleaning my room and begin reading a book but I did none of that. Tomorrow, well, today, I will be going out with friends which I am looking forward to because I really do miss my friend. He is one of the people that keep me standing and since I have trust issues, i'm starting to doubt him since our friend told me that he only invited me so it wouldn't be boring. What kind of excuse is that? I've been feeling quite low/in the pits recently so I don't want to doubt him. I want to make my own decisions, not based on preconceived ideas. I just hope that he feels the same way I do. I guess this may be the right opportunity to tell you how I met him, as well as a little into my past.

The past

When I was younger, I was extremely addicted to online games, MMORPG (massive multiplayer online role playing game). I began to realise the cause of the addiction and it was escapism. Since about the age of 11, I was depressed and then, I considered myself an "emo" - someone who is emotionally. At the time however, there were negative connotations. Emos usually cut their wrists and dressed in black with a fringe that covered their eyes. I was like that. I had a fringe that covered my eye and in all honesty, I wanted to cut myself, to erase the pain away. Though, I could bring myself to do it. As always, I've always been too chicken. The years went on and playing games really helped me escape from the reality I lived in. At the time, I was quite popular at school. I was a rebel and still, am strongly opinionated (even though my choices are often easily influenced). This made of one of the cool guys but as time went on, my ignorance got the better of me. I was treating people as if they were lower life forms than me and it really started to show when I needed someone to turn to, and I had no one. I was all alone and depressed. During several instances, I met people online. One of these times I met a guy who I sort of fell for. He was cool, charming and really "nice." Once I met him. As I often base my judgments of how people look, I started to turn away and ignore the guy. I felt sorry for myself for being so stupid and ignorant. It was however, all about me. Then it came to this instance where I was playing a game and most people in this "guild" (group of players) became really close. We all added each other on facebook, msn and whatnot but I was particular fond of, well, attached of this one guy. He was also really cool and unlike the other time, I knew what he looked like. He was quite cute and really good at games. We often talked though I mainly clung onto him. One day I mustered up the courage to tell him that he was my best friend, even though I knew that he felt otherwise. I needed someone to help me stand, and he did. Through my delusions and self-absorption, I was able to make myself think that I had someone who cared and needed me. This was all happened mostly when I was 14. Now, at the age of 16, I finally got over my depression. After all these years, all the suffering and pain I went through, it came to an end. How? I was watching the news once and they were promoting a cause about depression in men in particular. The one thing that struct me was when he said, "sometimes it's okay to be depressed" and at the instance, I felt my troubles slowly fade away. I was so relieved. At this moment however, I have no confidence. I have trust issues. But, I am no longer how I used to be, all depressed and self-centred. I am still lost though, I don't know what I'm doing and where I'm meant to go. I'm just living life one day at a time.

Thanks for reading this if you do. I hope that I have shed some light onto my past in which it might help you in some way. Feel free to ask me anything (nearly).