My 9/11: Depression, Stats, Recount

I've been feeling quite down today. I think I've cured my depression but it's difficult some times. I think of hurting myself but I know for a fact that I'm too scared to do that. I just want to run away from everything and start anew. I want to explore the world and make new friends, living life to its fullest. I guess it's my way of saying "fuck you, I'm having a terrible time because of you fuckers around me." Sometimes I feel so sick of the world. Or sometimes, I just hate everyone. I just want to be happy and i guess it's true to say that ignorance is bliss. With denial, you shine a light on a new world. A world without certain troubles but in all honesty, I don't think that will lead to any good. You can say that other troubles will arise and correctly so. I just don't want to think about it right now. I guess I need my "me" time.

I checked my stats and I reached over 100 views. 101 views to be exact. The thing is though, I still have not had one comment. It's not frustrating but I guess disappointing. It'd be nice to have someone comment. I've mentioned this before but I do want to connect to the people that read my posts, even if it's once. I get this feeling that something good will develop from this. On the other hand, I don't want people knowing who I am exactly. As in, I don't want the people that know me knowing about this. It really is just a space for my thoughts, mostly rants or a whole load of bullshit but still. I really do hope that no one every finds out about it. I'm extremely conscientious about.

My day was okay I guess. I didn't get enough sleep and going to study is not a good idea. I definitely need my rest in order to think properly. I had some interesting events change such as being unable to attend an event because I have to help hand out awards at a graduation dinner. Kind of sucks. I'll have to pay the money which she already paid though. 'farking hell.'

I'm feeling rather off my head right now. I've forced myself to write (when I have absolutely no wanting to write) because I had to. It's difficult forcing yourself to write when you know you need to. I do want be a better writer though. I think the english language is fabulous and that there is so much to learn.

I'm going to end here since I don't have any other thoughts to express. If I did, I'd be glad to post it and increase the length of this post.

Also, I would like to commemorate 9/11 today. Lest we forget. Rest in peace.

Good Time

A Whole Load of Everything

That song by Owl City and Carly Ray Jepsen is actually addictive. I've always loved Owl's sound, especially how he's always true to himself. I felt that the song sort of summed up how i'm feeling today, especially since I had some really good news but also, my mindset and feelings have changed. Times are always changing as change is inevitable. My sayings that really stick with me are:

Change is a constant in life.
There is no such thing as coincidence, only the inevitable.
Everything we do has a meaning, may it be big or small.
Life gets better.
There is always hope, but it tends not to come the way we expect.

And some other mumbo-jumbo.

Right now i'm feeling so defeated, even though I won. I just feel like I won't ever be able to do anything or achieve anything, unless someone is spoon feeding me. It do wish I had my naive mindset but maybe it's a time of maturity. I've come to accept the truth and not fight it. As a person in this consumerist and materialistic society, I've always been understanding. The thing is, it often meant that I'm not accepting and quite stubborn, another trait which I don't particularly dislike. I really don't feel like I want to change, or can change, but some where deep inside my heart is telling me that I want to achieve, I want to be successful, I want to be the best I can be. It's such a long and difficult track, not for me but for everyone else as well. In some way or another, we experience pain, suffering, joy, love, fulfillment - aspects of what we can label the 'human condition.' Life is so beauty yet there is this darkness in there. I believe that it's impossible for everything to be pure and perfect, yet some people believe it is so because we can't change anything because it was meant to be. Ignorance is a tool that some use or subconsciously use to fool and blind themselves from the truth. They take the meanings literally or figuratively making it difficult to fully understand and control them.

I feel like i've just been rambling on but my head (thoughts) is/are in such a mess right now.

Blog Views

Back to what I planned to write about. I actually do care about my blog views. Every time I log into blogger and check my views, I see that I have so little. I do want more views but I guess I'm not actually promoting my blog and some of the content is highly controversial in the sense that it could definitely spark a debate. I don't think I'll have my time to blog in the future but I guess this is my space for all my thoughts.

I don't know what else to write so I guess it's time to say goodnight and goodbye.

Update 1: I also wanted to mention that you should definitely leave comments. I really want to talk to the people who read my blog, even if I barely have any at all.