Yes, Fuck You

Today was quite a wild day. It was a long day with good aspects to it though, there were also some which I'd rather not have happened. I went out with my friends today, the typical day where we just went to the city, ate and played around. What really put me off today was then when I said that I would go into a store for no longer than 2 mins (which I only went in for 1 min), they ditched me and left me there. I was so frustrated at my friend that I was thinking of just going home. I just couldn't believe how selfish and immature that was of her. Of course I know that I should be the one who shouldn't have gone in the first place but the fact that she just left me on my own really ticked me off. I know that they knew I was really pissed off. I just hope that they learnt their lesson - i'm a self-centred motherfucker thank you very much. On the bright side, I met one of my friend's unofficial girlfriend. They were quite cute together and were really shy about being together. They haven't even discussed anything beyond going on a date. I wish them all the best.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this but I am currently on holidays. I really want to just sit back and study but i'm not sure how successful I will be at taking the first step to doing so. There's so much running through my head right now but I don't feel like doing anything. It's been a long day and if I bother, I will add more to this post later on today. I hope you all have a great sleep. Good night!

The Past Samsung Galaxy S3

All day I have done nothing. I spent most of my time watching anime and also preparing for upcoming events. More importantly, I spent my day searching for a samsung galaxy s3 to buy. After all these days of searching, I finally found one at the right price. It took me a while but although it wasn't what I was looking for exactly, it was close. At this point in time, the phones are selling for $520 for a 16gb, brand new in box (BNIB). You can get it for that price at kogan.com.au. However, I could have got it for $550 a few months ago. To compensate, I wanted it for a cheap price. A really cheap price. I found it at gumtree.com.au where a person was selling it for $400. He offered me $380 thank goodness. The catch is, I won't get the phone for another week to two weeks and, I have to pay by bank deposit, right now. It really sucks since if he's lying, I lose all that. I don't think there's any insurance of scams/frauds. He said that we will meet in person so I will get his contact details and bank details before I deposit the money. I pray that this is not a scam because there was a great deal that I missed out on already. I honestly do wish that the iphone 5 was much better so that I would be convinced to spend money for something that is absurdly overpriced (not really seeing as it is seen as a "luxury item" and they pay a lot for the branding).

Samsung Galaxy S3

I forgot to mention that it's holidays right now. I decided that I would spend my day cleaning my room and begin reading a book but I did none of that. Tomorrow, well, today, I will be going out with friends which I am looking forward to because I really do miss my friend. He is one of the people that keep me standing and since I have trust issues, i'm starting to doubt him since our friend told me that he only invited me so it wouldn't be boring. What kind of excuse is that? I've been feeling quite low/in the pits recently so I don't want to doubt him. I want to make my own decisions, not based on preconceived ideas. I just hope that he feels the same way I do. I guess this may be the right opportunity to tell you how I met him, as well as a little into my past.

The past

When I was younger, I was extremely addicted to online games, MMORPG (massive multiplayer online role playing game). I began to realise the cause of the addiction and it was escapism. Since about the age of 11, I was depressed and then, I considered myself an "emo" - someone who is emotionally. At the time however, there were negative connotations. Emos usually cut their wrists and dressed in black with a fringe that covered their eyes. I was like that. I had a fringe that covered my eye and in all honesty, I wanted to cut myself, to erase the pain away. Though, I could bring myself to do it. As always, I've always been too chicken. The years went on and playing games really helped me escape from the reality I lived in. At the time, I was quite popular at school. I was a rebel and still, am strongly opinionated (even though my choices are often easily influenced). This made of one of the cool guys but as time went on, my ignorance got the better of me. I was treating people as if they were lower life forms than me and it really started to show when I needed someone to turn to, and I had no one. I was all alone and depressed. During several instances, I met people online. One of these times I met a guy who I sort of fell for. He was cool, charming and really "nice." Once I met him. As I often base my judgments of how people look, I started to turn away and ignore the guy. I felt sorry for myself for being so stupid and ignorant. It was however, all about me. Then it came to this instance where I was playing a game and most people in this "guild" (group of players) became really close. We all added each other on facebook, msn and whatnot but I was particular fond of, well, attached of this one guy. He was also really cool and unlike the other time, I knew what he looked like. He was quite cute and really good at games. We often talked though I mainly clung onto him. One day I mustered up the courage to tell him that he was my best friend, even though I knew that he felt otherwise. I needed someone to help me stand, and he did. Through my delusions and self-absorption, I was able to make myself think that I had someone who cared and needed me. This was all happened mostly when I was 14. Now, at the age of 16, I finally got over my depression. After all these years, all the suffering and pain I went through, it came to an end. How? I was watching the news once and they were promoting a cause about depression in men in particular. The one thing that struct me was when he said, "sometimes it's okay to be depressed" and at the instance, I felt my troubles slowly fade away. I was so relieved. At this moment however, I have no confidence. I have trust issues. But, I am no longer how I used to be, all depressed and self-centred. I am still lost though, I don't know what I'm doing and where I'm meant to go. I'm just living life one day at a time.

Thanks for reading this if you do. I hope that I have shed some light onto my past in which it might help you in some way. Feel free to ask me anything (nearly).

Apple Fanboys

It's been a while since I have actually posted anything. I've been extremely busy with the last week of school as I have had another two assessments, right after my preliminary exam block. I honestly wish I had a bit more time to study and prepare for them though. Today however, you guys are in for a treat. Sort of. Well, I read a post earlier today which really blew my mind away. I loved how a fellow Apple fanboy came up with these amazing concepts, and even brought them to life. He made a video describing his thoughts and ideas which really bring out just that tiny bit more of Apple awesomeness. In my letter below, I have included a link to his post. I hope you enjoy reading it.


Hi Apple,

I have been a loyal fan of yours ever since you have revolutionised mobile phones into what they have become today: smart phones. I have been following the rumour mill regarding the iPhone 5 ever since supposed leaks and rumours arose in late May. Since then, I have heard the wildest and not so wild rumours about a taller screen, new pin connector, a new rear casing and a behemoth of other rumours. However, what disappointed me as a "fanboy" of Apple as some would call it, is that most of these turned out to be true. One thing I was proud of Apple for was that your ability to surprise and shock the world with the next big thing. I'm not saying that the iPhone 5 is not amazing but for me, it's not amazing enough. It was similar to the iPhone 4s where the change from the 4 to 4s was minute. Likewise, the change from the 4s to 5 was also minute. I had high expectations for Apple and I have to say, you disappointed me. I hope you prove me wrong by coming out with a product that revolutionises the smart phone industry, not evolve the product.

The main reason I decided to write to you today was that I wanted to share a post I came across. The link I included below describes another fanboy of Apple's thoughts and feelings as to what could make the iPhone 5 just that much more amazing. How you may ask? Spotlight. The attention to detail and the incredible concepts that a fellow fanboy describes in his post truly are worth considering when preparing for the next major software update. I would love for Apple to take on board some of these ideas as they blew my mind away when I first looked at them.

Link: http://codysan.me/ios-spotlight-overhaul/

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I take no credit to the amazing concepts that the fellow fanboy came up with and I hope that I have been able to help you in any way by referring you to him.

Unorganised Excuses

So it's nearly the end of the schooling term and I've still got assessments on, even though I have just finish my examination block for the preliminary course. Some subjects are utterly unorganised at my school. I dread seeing the subject co ordinator since I know that it will only make me hate her more. She's such a bitch and I can't stand how she gives close to no shit about the students. It's one thing to not care about the students and it's also one thing to not be able to do your job. As the co ordinator, she should be trying to help the students out as much as possible, and also make sure everything flows somewhat smoothly. Ever since she came, assessments have been crammed into small short periods of time and the marks and weighting do no weigh up properly. I honestly question her integrity even as a teacher as my informants (aka friends) from her class tell me how useless she is. I know english is one of those subjects where it's difficult to teach as catering for everyone's needs is quite a difficult task. But for her to be unable to organise the assessment schedule and other required information for us is unacceptable. I know that I should put some blame on my actual teacher but I know that she has tried her best in her own way. She's not used to how our school operates as she is fairly new at my school. However, it's still not an excuse to not do her job properly and I can (want to) attribute that fault all to the co ordinator. She irritates me with her inability to nicely approach the students studying the courses, which is the whole school. I honestly hope that she does get her act together or leave as soon as possible. It will only lead to the downfall of our school's english department which is already looked down upon by the english co ordinator.

Mobile Phones: iPhone 5 vs Samsung S3

So as you know, the iPhone 5 was unveiled recently in conjunction with the new dock connector and earpods, and other Apple product changes such as the iPod and iPod Touch. For a long time now, I've been extremely excited about Apple's upcoming release. It was one of the last things Steve Jobs worked on and I have to say, i'm disappointed. One thing I can say however, is that it was definitely somewhat of an improvement to the iPhone 4s.

As an fanboy of Apple, I've been quite supportive of them, especially with the billion dollar case against Samsung. I've made my point to friends in particular, arguing that although Samsung is not my preference, it is definitely on par with Apple in respect to the flagship phones they have released. One aspect that Apple has clearly beat Samsung in is their operating system's (OS) ecosystem. Apple's ecosystem, iOS, is quite large and stable. It's an efficient system that is secure but also simple. Samsung however, uses Android. Over the past years, it hasn't significantly improved is it's latest software is Jelly Bean aka Andriod 4.1. Samsung's flaw however, is the fragmentation of their OS. Apple releases a phone every year or so whilst Samsung releases a range of phones. By doing so, it is difficult to keep all the phones up to date running the same software. What this means for consumers is that some phones will have software that is 3 years old whilst others have the latest software. Even now, the Galaxy S3 is using software that is (almost) a year old. The latest Android OS is already out and the S3 is not reaping the rewards of using Jelly Bean. Even when it does get updated, it will take a while where providers have to approve of the update and some other stuff before actually releasing the update. It's quite a hassel. By the time the update is ready to go and released, another version will already be in the making and released very soon after that. At the moment, Andriod is currently fragmented into 3 main versions: Gingerbread (2010), Ice Cream Sandwich (2011) and Jelly Bean (2012). iOS differs from this as it has a universal update for every phone, no matter which generation, at the same time it is released. Currently, most phones run the last software because it includes enhancements and new features otherwise unavailable to the old software. Apple is preparing for a major software update across all phones soon and this will mean that most phones will be updated. You could argue however that Samsung has many products where Apple only has a few. But at the end of the day, you will have unhappy customers whether you do things right or wrong.

I think I went off track but I hope you get my point. Apple definitely has the key ingredients to have close to what they want - dominance in the smartphone industry by both market share and profit. They have the profit aspect but dominance in market share is extremely difficult. A reason for this is the pricing of their products. They make an extremely high profit off each phone they make. It only costs about $200 for all the parts in total and they're selling it for $799-$999, even though the increase in size only costs about $30 RRP.

Apple definitely made a good move hiring Steve Jobs back but it's unfortunate that he passed away since I can only foresee Apple's downfall. Tim Cook is not Steve Jobs. They've got different values, ideals and aspirations. Apple's success can solely be attributed to Steve. He did an amazing job with his attention to detail and innovation. Apples new direction may somehow bring more prosperity but at this point, I see no reason to believe they will. One of the major flaws of Tim Cook's leadership of Apple is the leaking of Apple's parts and other information before the actual product was revealed. It was around June and after where I first caught wind of a 4 inch screen, a new dock connector and a new back case. I'm extremely unhappy that it was leaked because I was expecting, in words of some technology post I read, Apple to revolutionise the iphone 5, not evolve it. Anyone can do that.

My dilemma here is that I need a new phone. I'm using a Nokia E5 which was released in late 2010. It's an old phone and I definitely need a smartphone such as the Samsung Galaxy S3 or iPhone 5 because of all the features it has. It definitely would benefit me greatly as I need something that I can depend on to organise my life, which for me, a phone does better than a diary. I've tried using a diary but it was too small or too bulky to take everywhere with me. The reason I'm so tempted to actually buy an Apple product is because I use a Mac and it'd be perfect since my family uses iphones and it's a lot more convenient since iOS fits so well. The reason that i'm not set on getting now is because it's not going to be worth my money. Right now, I can purchase a Samsung Galaxy S3 16gb internal + 64gb external for a total of $600 which is $50 more than an iPhone 4s 64gb. The iPhone 5 64gb however, will cost $899 and in my opinion, it's not really worth the extra $299. I would be happy if I could get the iPhone 5 at around $800 but I know there is no chance of that until after Christmas, when there will be an increase in unwanted gifts meaning the price will drop. However, I do want a phone now. After losing my iphone 4s in March and getting the money back through insurance, I do think it's time. Right now, I wouldn't mind getting a S3 but I'll wait and make a decision within the next month.

I hope you guys aren't as indecisive as me when it comes to buying a phone.

So Called Friends

Year 7s

So it's not a surprise to me that i'm getting harassed. This year 7 kid keeps calling me "gay" and "fag" and I guess it's affecting me because people around me, well, people in general, are judgmental. I need to approach him and tell him to stop but my pride is getting in the way. I want to be forceful and serious by threatening him but I know he has issues at home. I know that his relationship with his parents isn't the typical "normal" sort. He often gets physically punished by his parents whenever he does something wrong. He's quite afraid of his Dad i'm sure. I guess that's how I'll have to deal with him however I can see him being an idiot and say "I don't care" or running off and telling some what I said getting me into trouble. Sometimes I wonder why all this shit happens to me but I guess I just think back to my core belief regarding the issue: everything happens for a reason and it was meant to be. It leads me to think about other things such as is it a way for me to just blame something and run away? I don't know. I've been down this road many times, contemplating about various issues and just losing my mind in general. I really do wish I were more stronger (physically) and more manly.

"Friends"

It brings me to my next point. How much I can't stand the person who's most like me. We understand each other more than anyone else but I just can't stand who he is at times. I hate ignorant people and he is one of the people. He's so ignorant (deliberately) at times and it frustrates me so much. I especially hate how I call him my friend yet he is one of the last people that display "friend" characteristics. For example, I was in front of the year group trying to speak about something and I was getting harassed and he just stood back and watched. The person who I can wholly put my trust in however, stood up for me while he just acted as if nothing happened. I'm sure that event happened because he didn't want to speak up. Other times, I see people getting bullied but I can't stop them - not the way I want to though. He is taller than me (i'm short) and he's a lot stronger than me but he supposedly has these ideals where he helps the weak and as his faith "gives meaning to his life," he just stands there and laughs. He doesn't even bother after I ask him to help because I know I can't do some things where he can he doesn't do a goddamn thing. It's so frustrating that I doubt whether he's just being ignorant or it's just who he is.

Right now, what frustrates me about him is that we're doing a group assignment together. It frustrating me so much because on facebook it tells you if someone has seen the post or not. An hour after my post, I see that he has read it. The next day I check (13hours later), he still hasn't replied. I'm not the one who is supposed to organise this whole assignment. He has put in no input at all and when I confront the group about, one of the guys is a compulsive liar and says his laptop broke but he had the decency to reply. My "friend" however, reads the post and doesn't even reply, and he still hasn't. I'm really fed up with him and i'm might even help the teachers case in getting him kicked out of the class. I'm just not in the mood for things like this to happen and I will do my part and my part to the best of my ability, making sure that I get the marks that I deserve, even though I know that he has the potential to surpass me since english is more of his forte than mine.

It's almost midnight so I guess it wasn't too long ago that I posted something. I will make another post about my current dilemma however.

My 9/11: Depression, Stats, Recount

I've been feeling quite down today. I think I've cured my depression but it's difficult some times. I think of hurting myself but I know for a fact that I'm too scared to do that. I just want to run away from everything and start anew. I want to explore the world and make new friends, living life to its fullest. I guess it's my way of saying "fuck you, I'm having a terrible time because of you fuckers around me." Sometimes I feel so sick of the world. Or sometimes, I just hate everyone. I just want to be happy and i guess it's true to say that ignorance is bliss. With denial, you shine a light on a new world. A world without certain troubles but in all honesty, I don't think that will lead to any good. You can say that other troubles will arise and correctly so. I just don't want to think about it right now. I guess I need my "me" time.

I checked my stats and I reached over 100 views. 101 views to be exact. The thing is though, I still have not had one comment. It's not frustrating but I guess disappointing. It'd be nice to have someone comment. I've mentioned this before but I do want to connect to the people that read my posts, even if it's once. I get this feeling that something good will develop from this. On the other hand, I don't want people knowing who I am exactly. As in, I don't want the people that know me knowing about this. It really is just a space for my thoughts, mostly rants or a whole load of bullshit but still. I really do hope that no one every finds out about it. I'm extremely conscientious about.

My day was okay I guess. I didn't get enough sleep and going to study is not a good idea. I definitely need my rest in order to think properly. I had some interesting events change such as being unable to attend an event because I have to help hand out awards at a graduation dinner. Kind of sucks. I'll have to pay the money which she already paid though. 'farking hell.'

I'm feeling rather off my head right now. I've forced myself to write (when I have absolutely no wanting to write) because I had to. It's difficult forcing yourself to write when you know you need to. I do want be a better writer though. I think the english language is fabulous and that there is so much to learn.

I'm going to end here since I don't have any other thoughts to express. If I did, I'd be glad to post it and increase the length of this post.

Also, I would like to commemorate 9/11 today. Lest we forget. Rest in peace.

Stomach Bugs Create Cravings

I have almost eaten nothing in these last two days. My headache has gone but the stomach bug has really kicked in today. I don't remember how many times I've been to the toilet but I know it's been for than 15 times. Gross, I know.

What really kills me is how much i'm craving food right now. Last night we had guests over for a family and friends gathering, and there was so much good food. I could smell it from my room upstairs (coincidentally, it woke me up) and I just kept thinking how much I want to eat. Since I had not eaten anything that day, I had some fruit and a slice of cake but my main diet throughout the day consisted of diluted lemonade, which does actually help the internal system flush. Today however, I had some congee but that didn't really help either. I didn't drink much lemonade today nor did I take much medication. I think I should have stuck to the routine of every 4 hours. Which reminds me, I should take some now since I haven't taken any (all day, I can't remember).

All day I've been lazy. I decided not to go to tutoring (which was a good idea since I went to the toilet a few times during the time frame in which my classes were held). I've been glued onto my laptop all day, watching videos. I love (sarcastically) spending half my life on youtube, watching anime, or watching movies. I downloaded the Matrix recently and decided to finish off the trilogy. It's amazing that it was an Australia production (i think it was). I also downloaded Clannad, one of my favourite animes of all time. It's got such a good story line and you just fall in love with the characters. However, I don't think I should do an all nighter watching the two seasons which I just downloaded.